Onward Hoe!

Thursday, 7:30 p.m.
We leave Raleigh, heading north on US1. The plan: drive to NYC, arriving around 5:00 a.m. The truck has no gas cap, and the "check engine" light is on. We asked about it, but the fine folks at Triangle Rent-a-Car have assured us that that is not only normal, but perfectly okay, and that it doesn't indicate any problems that will impede our travels.

8:30 p.m.
We realize that the truck has a little harder time going up hills, but we think, whatever, it's a truck. Trucks do that.

9:00 p.m.
The truck is renamed "The Beast."

10:00 p.m.
The singing of all of "RENT" commences. Andy and I sing all parts.

Friday, 1:00 a.m.
The Beast averages 55 mph on I-95 (70 downhill/40 uphill).

2:15 a.m.
We fill up The Beast. By now, average speeds have dropped to around 45 mph, and the Beast is cutting itself off at will. We have to put her in park and restart. We decide to seek shelter for the night instead of continuing on to NYC.

2:30 a.m.
We check in at the Crystal Inn in North East, Maryland (yes, that was the name of the town).

3:00 a.m.
We sleep.

8:00 a.m.
The alarm goes off, and we immediately call Triangle Rent-a-Car in the hopes that we might get the situation resolved and get on the road ASAP. We have friends to see and a show to get tickets for. We are instructed to take the Beast to Jiffy Lube and see if they'll take a look at the fuel filter because THEY'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH IT BEFORE. They'll reimburse us.

9:00 a.m.
We eat sour waffles.

9:30 a.m.
We go to Jiffy Lube. Their first comment: "Nice gas cap." They inform us that they cannot help, and they send us to Advance Auto Parts for a fuel cap.

9:40 a.m.
Advance doesn't have a fuel cap that fits. They send us to the Ford dealership.

9:50 a.m.
The Ford dealership doesn't have a fuel cap that fits. They send us to another Ford dealership in another town but warn us that the problems we've described the Beast as having don't sound like they can be fixed by putting on a fuel cap.

10:15 a.m.
The 2nd Ford dealership has the cap. It fits. But they can't fit us into their schedule for the day. They're booked. We ride around with the cap on to see if it makes a difference. It doesn't.

10:30 a.m.
We roll into First Choice Auto Repairs. Kenny informs us that he doesn't know whether or not he'll have time to look at it, but he'll try. We sit, exhausted.

2:00 p.m.
A wonderfully nice man at First Choice, whose name we didn't catch, drives us to McDonald's so we can get some lunch. We buy his too.

4:00 p.m.
We find out that the Beast needs an oxygen sensor, a fuel filter AND a fuel pump. The repairs will cost $800-1000. Triangle offers to find us a U-Haul.

4:30 p.m.
Because no U-Hauls are available (nor Penskes I assume), Triangle sends Tyler and guest in a new truck up to New Castle, Deleware, where we wait.

5:30 p.m.
We check in to the Holiday Inn, shower and order room service (on Triangle's tab, of course).

7:00 p.m.
We grub like we have never seen food before.

8:30 p.m.
We are knocked out.

11:45 p.m.
The phone rings. Tyler +1 are outside with the keys to the new Beast. After some fumbling around the room in the dark for Andy's pants (because that lazy bum didn't get out of the bed), I find the keys to the old Beast, and we trade. I go back to bed.

Saturday, 12:30 a.m.
We are both wide awake with an insatiable thirst, feeling that if the temperature in the room were any hotter and the air any drier, we would both be turned into beef jerky by morning. We drink.

4:30 a.m.
The alarm sounds. There is a great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

5:15 a.m.
We set out in what has now been dubbed "Daddy Beast" because it is slightly larger than Beast Jr. The radio is non-functional.

6:30 a.m.
Having driven through Philly and seen the Eagles' stadium, we stop at McD's for some long-awaited hot cakes.

6:45 a.m.
We begin our epic text message series entitled "Memoirs From the Beast."
Part 1: "As the sun rose on I-95, the white-washed earth glistened like bones of skeletal remains discovered in the Mojabi. The travel-weary nomads, hypnotized by the road and the silence, could finally feel that the end was near."

8:15 a.m.
We arrive in New York and start packing.

12 noon
We leave New York, extremely annoyed that we have to leave already in order to beat the impending winter weather that is to ravage the east coast later in the day/night.

12:30 p.m.
Memoirs From the Beast: Part 2
"Backs aching, souls shattered, task completed, the fatigued nomads returned from whence they came. The juice of the fruit of enormity had soured. But oh how good-o it was for a season."

2:45 p.m.
Memoirs From the Beast: Part 3
"Notching away time like the sands of an hourglass, the nomadic travelers forage for food. "Wherever could that spunky redhead be?" they wonder. The state of garden was not worth the h igh price inflicted by the bankers of the highway."

3:00 p.m.
Wendy's.

4:30 p.m.
We hit D.C. traffic and snow.

5:00 p.m.
Memoirs From the Beast: Part 4"
"In the belly of the beast, the nomads wish for the sweet rest of death."

8:00 p.m.
Without radio assistance, Andy and I sing all of "RENT." It's a sad sad existance that we have. We are aware of this.

10:00 p.m.
We arrive at Emily's (my temporary) house in Holly Springs, NC. Andy leaves immediately for Wilmington.

Sunday, 10:00 a.m.
The Beast is unloaded.

11:00 a.m.
Memoirs From the Beast: Part 5
"The Beast, having vomited its contents and the nomads (and the nomads and contents, themselves, having thrice vomited) made its way back to its lair. And thus endeth the saga of the Beast."

The End.

Epilogue
Triangle Rent-a-Car has released us from any obligation to pay, and they will be reimbursing me for the 2 nights' hotel stay. Today, I meet Mark, the manager with whom I was in constant contact throughout my day in Deleware. We are best friends now, and Andy has predicted that we may, in fact, be soulmates. The latter remains to be seen. I go now to find out.