Onward Hoe!

Man, I don't know what I ate yesterday, but given an incendiary device of any sort, I believe I could have created an impressive display of Chinese New Year-style pyrotechnics with the gas coming out of my body. I'm beginning to think maybe it was the milk on my cereal (but no, Marieke, I'm not becoming lactose intolerant). It tastes kind of...funny. The first two times I put it on my cereal, I had just brushed my teeth, so I thought that was the cause of the off taste. Then I thought it was the spoon or the cereal itself, but now that I've tasted it while eating two different cereals with several different spoons, I'm quite certain it's the milk. It tastes kind of sour and kind of metallic, but it's not expired, and it doesn't smell sour, so I don't know what the deal is. And apart from maybe giving me gas, it hasn't caused any digestive problems, so...hmmmm.

Alright internet search-masters, Google me this: What would make milk taste like that? And is it still safe to consume? Or am I slowly killing myself by ingesting it?

One of the teachers, Elena, just recounted to me a story that one of her students told her this morning. The student was driving home yesterday afternoon around 5:00 when she hit a deer with her car. Elena asked her if she called the police. No. Did she call the insurance company? No. What did she do then?

Well, since you asked, she got out her knife. Yes, this is where I thought the story got weird too. She slit the deer's throat, drained all the blood out, put him in the trunk of her car, and took him home. She said her husband told her she was crazy. Her reply? "I brought you dinner." Said they've been eating it for a week.

I asked Elena where this student is from. She's from Honduras. Now, I've been to Honduras twice, and I've never heard of anybody doing anything like this, but then again, I was in major cities for most of my time there. There aren't a whole lot of deer in Tegucigalpa. It just strikes me as odd that she whipped out her knife, slit a still-living albeit injured deer's throat, drained its blood in the middle of the road in the middle of the day, and somehow slung it into her trunk. Does anyone find this NOT strange??

I suppose that's one way to shop for groceries.

Alright alright...I know I've gotten terribly slack with this thing, and I know that there are some of you having a hissy fit right now because I haven't blogged in like 2 whole weeks, so here's the deal.

I wanted to post something about the Kelly Clarkson concert that I went to, but I wanted it to include the pictures I took. Unfortunately, my hard drive crashed, so I can't upload the pics onto it in order to subsequently post them on here, and I can't upload them onto any of the other computers I use regularly because they aren't mine. So maybe when poor Camilla gets some new innards, you'll see some KC pictures. For now, however, just know that it was SOOO fun. She's gotten so much better since Idol, I can't even stand it. AND she covered Ray LaMontagne's "Shelter," which was fabulous. AND my friend Collice was singing along, but replacing all the yous with Jews (i.e. "Since Jews been gone, I can breathe for the first time...) creating an effect that was both hilarious and disturbingly racist.

I made a new shirt for the event out of the RENT t-shirt that my fantastic roomie, April, gave me when I moved back to the NC. It's now a tube top with a purple sash at the bottom that ties on one side (photos also forthcoming). Everyone enjoyed it. Everyone. Total strangers sitting nearby were both commenting and singing in response to the glory of the shirt. I am wearing it again today.

There are a few other notable things going on, especially with work, but rather than switch gears on you that fast, I'll just save all that for later...when I have more details. It's not all worked out just yet.

There's also the Iron Chef dessert party I had last night. Theme ingredient: LEMONS. We video-taped it. Maybe the Food Network will dig it??? Tonight, I'm hosting the 3rd of what I'm hoping will continue as a monthly movie event: "The John Candy Shoppe." We'll be eating like Dr. Atkins's worst nightmare and watching "Uncle Buck" and "The Great Outdoors." Should be good times. I'll let you know.

I've experienced many a blog-worthy moment in my life, but I'd like to think that yesterday I may have created one for someone else simultaneously as I was driving 'round Raleigh eating corn on the cob.

I was leaving the home of the family of one of the kids I tutor, and as we were coming down the stairs, I noted that their dinner smelled of corn. I was just making an observation; nothing more. They apparently took this to mean, however, that I wanted some.

So I'm out in my car. I've just cranked her up. Johnny Cash is getting ready to sing "Ring of Fire." I'm getting ready to back out and head home when my kid comes running out the front door with an ear of corn. What could I do but accept it and say, "Thank you"??

So I ate it. While driving. No napkin. No whatchamacallems to stick into the ends so you don't have to touch the corn itself. Just gripping the corn and eating it. Gripping and nibbling. All the way home.

So my roommate, Brooke, goes to this big ol' Baptist church where they have traditional gatherings such as bake-offs and barbeques. Last week, they had both together. The bake-off was a dessert contest with three categories: taste, backyard bbq theme and presentation. Despite our emerging kitchen prowess, we decided that we'd rather go for creativity than taste, so we started dreaming.

Two years ago, Brooke won the presentation contest with her Rice Krispie Treat pig-in-a-bathtub. Basically what happened was that she intended to make a pig out of RKT's but ran out, so she just made the top half and then made it look like he was in the bathtub to cover up the fact that he didn't have a lower half. This worked for her. For everyone, in fact, and she won the $25 gift certificate to Winston's Grille, a local steakhouse.

We knew we had to top the bathing piggy, but we didn't know how, so we just started tossing out "what ifs" until we hit upon the most hilarious (though slightly disturbing) thought we could imagine molding with food. The idea was simple really. This was a barbeque. Where does barbeque come from?

We made a slaughterhouse.

Actually, it was much more elaborate than that. It was a scene depicting a conga line of happy pigs entering what they were duped into believing was a party for them, when in fact it was the Jimmy Dean processing plant. It was glorious. I only wish we'd had time to make little pork chops and bacon trudging sadly out the back to board the trucks that would take them to the Harris Teeter.

First of all, a hearty congratulations to Guy, winner of the Food Network's talent search. And second of all, watch your back, Guy. I'm comin' up right behind you.

My friend Whitney and I laughed hysterically once that her first impression of me was that I was very "domestic." I was cooking chicken tacos for our homegroup, so it was easy to make that mistake, but all who know me well are aware that the "d" word has never been something I've aspired or lived up to...until now. I tell you, the Food Network has changed my life. Apparently I AM a cook. Here's proof:

I was at the Harris Teeter a few weeks ago when I stumbled upon a bottle of Jamaican Jerk marinade. Now, whenever I think "Jamaican Jerk," I think jerk chicken patties from Jamaican Flavors. I LOVE those things...could eat them every day. But alas, Jamaican Flavors is in New York, and I am in Raleigh. But with Jamaican Jerk marinade at my disposal, I began to try and figure out how I could recreate those delicious meat-n-pastry concoctions in my own kitchen.

I think Sandra Lee would have smiled to see me buying my first frozen puff pastry, preparing to experiment with my own semi-homemade cooking. I made my inaugural batch of patties on Sunday, and while they weren't perfect, they have that potential. If my calculations and thoughts are correct, you too can make Jamaican patties with the following recipe.

-Marinate and cook chicken breasts in any "Jamaican Jerk" marinade found in your grocery store.
-After cooking, shred chicken and refrigerate overnight.
-Thaw puff pastry, but keep it cold. Flour your cutting board and your rolling pin. Roll it out until it's pretty dang flat. It's gonna puff up, after all.
-Cut pastry dough into roughly 4"x7" pieces.
-Put some cold chicken on the dough and fold it over.
-Press sides together to seal. Make them pretty by pressing a fork all around (like the edges of a pie crust).
-Brush the tops with a bit of an egg wash to get that beautiful golden-brown color. Top with a little salt and pepper.
-Follow baking instructions for puff pastry (400-ish degrees for 10-15 minutes, depending on your oven).
-Eat.
-Tell me how it was.