Friday, September 23, 2005
Fine, I'll go first
Since no one seems so keen on responding to my humble plea for information regarding the male brain, I'm guessing you're all just being shy. I know there are men out there who read this (ahem...JB, JB, Mr. Motley, "Clay," etc.), so to help you overcome any concerns you may have about providing me with this information (for research purposes only), I'm going to fill you in as briefly as possible on what goes on in a woman's mind when she has a crush on you. And just so you know, if you refuse to help an aspiring writer with her research, you can be certain that none of the following will ever be directed toward you...unless it already is, in which case you really should help me out. The rewards could be outstanding.
Basically, we go crazy for a while. Our brains start making crap up left and right without our permission. We think we see you everywhere. We jump a little inside every time the phone rings, hoping it's you. If it is you, we immediately have to poop. If it's not you, we have a conversation with you in our minds anyway. You're so sweet to us in our heads, so gentlemanly. We can sustain this mental relationship for years. We quantify, qualify and justify all of your actual behavior. We make excuses for why you're so different in person from the "you" that is in our heads. We make excuses for why you don't call us every day, why you don't respond to our emails within seconds, and why you haven't asked us out yet. When people ask us if there's anything going on in our love lives, we have often actually deluded ourselves enough to tell them about you. We say that there's not much going on yet, but that we think you're interested. We honestly think this. Movie-like images pop into our heads at random--images of the two of us cuddling, kissing, holding hands at the movies, sharing the popcorn, getting married, moving into our new house. We're not trying to think all these things. We'd probably prefer it if we didn't think them, but there they are nonetheless. And they very nearly consume us. We still seem to function normally because apparently there's a compartment in the female brain reserved for every day responsibility that remains intact and in working order although the rest is held hostage by an over-active imagination and an obsessive-compulsive thought process.
I told you we were crazy. Ladies, am I wrong?
Basically, we go crazy for a while. Our brains start making crap up left and right without our permission. We think we see you everywhere. We jump a little inside every time the phone rings, hoping it's you. If it is you, we immediately have to poop. If it's not you, we have a conversation with you in our minds anyway. You're so sweet to us in our heads, so gentlemanly. We can sustain this mental relationship for years. We quantify, qualify and justify all of your actual behavior. We make excuses for why you're so different in person from the "you" that is in our heads. We make excuses for why you don't call us every day, why you don't respond to our emails within seconds, and why you haven't asked us out yet. When people ask us if there's anything going on in our love lives, we have often actually deluded ourselves enough to tell them about you. We say that there's not much going on yet, but that we think you're interested. We honestly think this. Movie-like images pop into our heads at random--images of the two of us cuddling, kissing, holding hands at the movies, sharing the popcorn, getting married, moving into our new house. We're not trying to think all these things. We'd probably prefer it if we didn't think them, but there they are nonetheless. And they very nearly consume us. We still seem to function normally because apparently there's a compartment in the female brain reserved for every day responsibility that remains intact and in working order although the rest is held hostage by an over-active imagination and an obsessive-compulsive thought process.
I told you we were crazy. Ladies, am I wrong?
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I thought the pooping thing was just me! IBS sufferers, unite!
Beth, you are soooo right. At least, I think and do the exact over analyzing that you are speaking of. Makes me question why we are that way. It is so frustrating at times.