Friday, September 30, 2005

yella bellies

Up til now, I always thought that I had some sort of sign on my forehead that either read, "Not Interested," "Not Looking" or "Don't Even Think It." Several months ago, my friend Nick even nearly confirmed this suspicion. At that time, Nick was dating my friend Emily (they are married now). I had recently met a really hot guy who could have been a contender if I'd ever heard from him again. In my excitement, I had told Emily about him. That Sunday at church, Nick made some sort of comment about how he couldn't picture me with a boyfriend. "Why?" I asked, "Am I that repulsive?" "No, no, not at all," He replied, "You're just so independent." Ah. I see. I'm just not the kind of girl who has boyfriends, and that's ok. I've been living single quite happily for closer to a decade than I care to admit while watching a lot of friends go through heartache after heartache. And I think I'd rather be single and happy than enduring years of drama and pain only to end up single again. But if there are good guys who like me, I wouldn't be averse to getting to know them better, so let's get to the task at hand.

I've decided that I don't need eHarmony (although I am apparently a hot little commodity) because all the women who responded said not to do it, and anonymous men started crawling out of the woodwork. It seems the prospect of me being off the market made them a little antsy. Of course the cowards wouldn't identify themselves...not even via email or text message...and how fishy that they all posted comments within 10 minutes of one another. But anywho, I figure I can just start my own little dating service right here. Anybody else want in?

Dearest Mancake,
So you like biscuits, do you? You wanna biscuit? Here's a biscuit. If you can name that movie reference (although the movie was speaking of cookies), please read on and respond. If not, this conversation is over.

Do you prefer them from Bojangles or Biscuitville?

Anonymous #1,
Yes. Tons. Flooding my inbox daily.

And now on to you, Hunk-o-Love,
eHarmony makes matches based on 29 something-or-others that supposedly predict compatibility. If it hasn't matched us yet, what makes you think we should be? I did limit myself to the great Old North State. How do you feel about the box turtle?

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