Monday, May 31, 2004
Troy: An Analysis
Please see "Retail Stinx" for a more detailed analysis. I'm with you on this one Megan. It could have been MUCH better. It's not that it was terrible. Well, the acting wasn't terrible. The editing, however, was awful, and the screenplay was just the worst. Here are the "Troy" superlatives:
-shiniest hair on a man: Brad Pitt
-cheesiest line ever written: "I can shoot deer and rabbits. I could feed us."
-most creative battle tactic: giant balls of fire
-most "epic-film-looks-of-horror": Peter O'Toole
-biggest wussy boy in a film: Paris (Orlando Bloom)
-most pointless war: Troy
-worst soundtrack: "Troy"
-least romantic "romance": this one may actually be a tie between that of Paris and Helen and the one between Paris's cousin Perseas or whatever her name was and Achilles
-biggest waste of money: also a tie between the making of "Troy" and all the thousands of coins they put on the dead guys' eyes so they could cross into the hereafter
-worst way to end a movie about war: Josh Groban
Ok that's enough, though I must say...despite everything bad about this movie, Brad Pitt=hot. Long hair, short hair, shiny hair in dreads, 3 piece suit or mini skirt, covered in dirt and blood--whatever. He's a good lookin' man.
-shiniest hair on a man: Brad Pitt
-cheesiest line ever written: "I can shoot deer and rabbits. I could feed us."
-most creative battle tactic: giant balls of fire
-most "epic-film-looks-of-horror": Peter O'Toole
-biggest wussy boy in a film: Paris (Orlando Bloom)
-most pointless war: Troy
-worst soundtrack: "Troy"
-least romantic "romance": this one may actually be a tie between that of Paris and Helen and the one between Paris's cousin Perseas or whatever her name was and Achilles
-biggest waste of money: also a tie between the making of "Troy" and all the thousands of coins they put on the dead guys' eyes so they could cross into the hereafter
-worst way to end a movie about war: Josh Groban
Ok that's enough, though I must say...despite everything bad about this movie, Brad Pitt=hot. Long hair, short hair, shiny hair in dreads, 3 piece suit or mini skirt, covered in dirt and blood--whatever. He's a good lookin' man.
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