Saturday, February 19, 2005
Rules of Engagement
Tis the season to get married, or so it seems. All my friends are doing it, anyway. I heard on the radio the other day that some 80% of women didn't like the way their husbands (and in some cases ex-husbands) proposed. After giving this statistic, women were calling in left and right sharing their engagement horror stories. My favorites were as follows:
- in the parking lot at Emerald Pointe (a NC water park, for those of you who are unfamiliar). This is romance at its peak. Nothing says "I want to be with you always" quite like a sweltering chlorine and 8-year-old-filled day at the water park. And in the parking lot?! Come on.
- at Wal-Mart right after he'd purchased the ring (at Wal-Mart). I grew up in Wilkesboro, NC, and this isn't even appealing to me. P.S. His mother and sister were there.
- the myriad stories of rings in foods and beverages. This just has disaster written all over it.
- the man who, when he decided to get engaged, had to choose between two women. That one didn't last long.
I was floored. I'd heard something somewhere about how men were clueless in the romance department, but I had no idea how dire the situation really was, so since there's still hope out there for me and many other beautiful and available women, I've come up with a few tips (which I thought would be common sense, but whatever):
1. Do NOT put the ring in food or drink. The allure of the diamond is its brilliance. We like shiny things. When I see my ring for the first time, I do not want it to be covered in any sort of sauce, bodily fluid or excrement. I don't want to swallow it, choke on it or break any teeth. It belongs on my finger, and that's it.
2. Creativity is good, but try to keep up the ambiance factor. Any setting that involves a large amount of concrete, asphalt or any other type of synthetic rock (unless your gal's super-industrial) may want to be rethought. Remember, she may want to document the occasion with photos, so the post-water park ,sun-burnt wet dog look on the backdrop of a sea of mini-vans may not make for the best Christmas card.
3. Plan ahead. While spontaneous can be very romantic, we like to know that you put some thought and effort into it. Let us know that you pay attention when we speak by remembering something we said that we liked and incorporating it. Bonus points for making it special in a way that only we could appreciate. I know you're excited to propose to me (if you're not, don't bother), but don't do it IN the store where you just bought the ring...ESPECIALLY if said store has the word "mart" anywhere in the name.
Also in the planning ahead realm, pick out the girl well in advance. She'll appreciate it. I promise.
- in the parking lot at Emerald Pointe (a NC water park, for those of you who are unfamiliar). This is romance at its peak. Nothing says "I want to be with you always" quite like a sweltering chlorine and 8-year-old-filled day at the water park. And in the parking lot?! Come on.
- at Wal-Mart right after he'd purchased the ring (at Wal-Mart). I grew up in Wilkesboro, NC, and this isn't even appealing to me. P.S. His mother and sister were there.
- the myriad stories of rings in foods and beverages. This just has disaster written all over it.
- the man who, when he decided to get engaged, had to choose between two women. That one didn't last long.
I was floored. I'd heard something somewhere about how men were clueless in the romance department, but I had no idea how dire the situation really was, so since there's still hope out there for me and many other beautiful and available women, I've come up with a few tips (which I thought would be common sense, but whatever):
1. Do NOT put the ring in food or drink. The allure of the diamond is its brilliance. We like shiny things. When I see my ring for the first time, I do not want it to be covered in any sort of sauce, bodily fluid or excrement. I don't want to swallow it, choke on it or break any teeth. It belongs on my finger, and that's it.
2. Creativity is good, but try to keep up the ambiance factor. Any setting that involves a large amount of concrete, asphalt or any other type of synthetic rock (unless your gal's super-industrial) may want to be rethought. Remember, she may want to document the occasion with photos, so the post-water park ,sun-burnt wet dog look on the backdrop of a sea of mini-vans may not make for the best Christmas card.
3. Plan ahead. While spontaneous can be very romantic, we like to know that you put some thought and effort into it. Let us know that you pay attention when we speak by remembering something we said that we liked and incorporating it. Bonus points for making it special in a way that only we could appreciate. I know you're excited to propose to me (if you're not, don't bother), but don't do it IN the store where you just bought the ring...ESPECIALLY if said store has the word "mart" anywhere in the name.
Also in the planning ahead realm, pick out the girl well in advance. She'll appreciate it. I promise.
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I must say that not all guys are that oblivious to romance. My husband had a fabulous proposal that lasted 4 hours and most certainly took tons of planning ahead. I wish for you that your future husband gives you an even better proposal than mine did.
As a guy, which seems to be the gender in question here, who has been down that road, and yet, to no avail, I must say that oblivian is simply a cop-out for one of two things:
1) Laziness
2) Lack of interest
Guys usually aren't, or at least shouldn't be, oblivious, however the umbrella serves as nice shelter if they suffer from one of the previously mentioned ailments.
In keeping with general gender criticism, I would like to compliment the advice column with a little something for the girls. If thoughtfulness and attention to detail are things that you honestly desire, then hopefully these are things that you will find. Take a careful look, however, and make sure that you are not generally more inticed by the chase. Thoughtfulness and attention (which should not be confused with unconfident smothering...a tactic that will certainly lead to disaster) can bore certain women, and alas, leave them longing for something more mysterious and unattainable--something they must chase. The chase will lead them more to an "oblivious" guy which will encourage them to call in to a radio station and gripe.
1) Laziness
2) Lack of interest
Guys usually aren't, or at least shouldn't be, oblivious, however the umbrella serves as nice shelter if they suffer from one of the previously mentioned ailments.
In keeping with general gender criticism, I would like to compliment the advice column with a little something for the girls. If thoughtfulness and attention to detail are things that you honestly desire, then hopefully these are things that you will find. Take a careful look, however, and make sure that you are not generally more inticed by the chase. Thoughtfulness and attention (which should not be confused with unconfident smothering...a tactic that will certainly lead to disaster) can bore certain women, and alas, leave them longing for something more mysterious and unattainable--something they must chase. The chase will lead them more to an "oblivious" guy which will encourage them to call in to a radio station and gripe.
In addition to the aforementioned rqquirements for proposing, don't forget: "You know that big honkin' castle down in Sevilla? It has very romantic potential. I'd accept a proposal there...on a clear cool night under the stars in the gazebo (that is in addition, of course, to my other options of the Cloisters in NYC and the feet of Jesus in Tegucigalpa."
Ya know, my boyfriend is a big fat liar. If you're going to lie so much, at least cover your tracks!!