Monday, January 29, 2007
Blognosis. Like prognosis, but without the doctor.
Alright kids! It's time for you to decide what's wrong with me. My personal opinion is that I need a new mattress, but maybe I just really want a TempurPedic. I mean, the thing's got space-age technology in it. Whoowee! Fly me to the moon.
Anyway, I'm not sleeping well, which as you know, for me, is not only a personal tragedy but a serious illness. The positions I used to sleep comfortably in are no longer comfortable. I wake up to tangled sheets and little pillow structures something akin to the sticks in "The Blair Witch Project." I wind up sideways in the bed. I wake up in the middle of the night when I don't even have to pee. And I'm having bizarre and unsettling dreams.
#1: Last weekend, I was hanging out with Kim Sko and Parker Posey at a fair of some sort, and Parker kept talking to Kim in what I assumed was Chinese, and the only thing I could ever understand was when she said "Kim Skowronski." She always used her whole name. Never called her just Kim.
#2: Then I think I was an Asian woman, though I don't know what nationality. I just know I was wearing a very skimpy dress and speaking a language I didn't understand.
#3: And last night, I was being mugged by a family after giving a homeless guy a ride. The family consisted of a mother, a father, and a knife-wielding toddler. I think they wanted to take my car, and I was trying to fight them off, but all I had was a wiffle ball bat that the homeless guy had given me. I kept hitting the mom, which didn't seem to faze her at all. The dad stood by idly while the toddler slashed at my car with his knife.
Obviously I wake up feeling somewhat less than refreshed and rested, and it's just not good for business. So I need you, faithful readers, to (a) help me interpret these odd dreams, (b) discern why my sleep is so disrupted of late, and (c) advise me.
Anyway, I'm not sleeping well, which as you know, for me, is not only a personal tragedy but a serious illness. The positions I used to sleep comfortably in are no longer comfortable. I wake up to tangled sheets and little pillow structures something akin to the sticks in "The Blair Witch Project." I wind up sideways in the bed. I wake up in the middle of the night when I don't even have to pee. And I'm having bizarre and unsettling dreams.
#1: Last weekend, I was hanging out with Kim Sko and Parker Posey at a fair of some sort, and Parker kept talking to Kim in what I assumed was Chinese, and the only thing I could ever understand was when she said "Kim Skowronski." She always used her whole name. Never called her just Kim.
#2: Then I think I was an Asian woman, though I don't know what nationality. I just know I was wearing a very skimpy dress and speaking a language I didn't understand.
#3: And last night, I was being mugged by a family after giving a homeless guy a ride. The family consisted of a mother, a father, and a knife-wielding toddler. I think they wanted to take my car, and I was trying to fight them off, but all I had was a wiffle ball bat that the homeless guy had given me. I kept hitting the mom, which didn't seem to faze her at all. The dad stood by idly while the toddler slashed at my car with his knife.
Obviously I wake up feeling somewhat less than refreshed and rested, and it's just not good for business. So I need you, faithful readers, to (a) help me interpret these odd dreams, (b) discern why my sleep is so disrupted of late, and (c) advise me.
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Was the homeless guy a member of the family? Because I have a theory that ties all three of these dreams together, but I need to know that one piece.
Do you mean a member of the mugging family or a member of my family? Either way, I think no. But I'd like to hear your theory anyway. I can't imagine how those dreams are tied together.
Actually, I was just kidding. I have no idea how all three could be tied together regardless of the homeless guy's family ties. (insert Michael J. Fox joke here)
Hope I didn't inflate your hopes before now crushing them.
See you tonight!
Hope I didn't inflate your hopes before now crushing them.
See you tonight!
What are you eating before going to bed?? If I eat too late, I have weird dreams. I don't think your dreams are all that weird. When has Parker Posey ever been normal? When are you not an Asian woman in a skimpy dress? And of course the toddler was weilding a knife! Toddlers are terrifying!