Friday, February 16, 2007
Keep the lotion on the knuckles: I'm psychic
As you know, last week, I had a dream that involved Jerry O'Connell. Read about it here to catch up. Well, who pops up in a bar on Ugly Betty last night but Mr. O'Connell himself. That's when I began to realize that I'm psychic. Whitney says it's a spiritual gift, but so far, it's only proven itself useful in matters of pop culture, so I'm not so sure about that.
Anyway, Whitney and I were just enjoying a ridiculously overpriced lunch at a little hole-in-the-wall coffee joint called Gaks when I had to pee, which happens sometimes when my bladder's full. Now, I'm not sure which is my favorite part of going to the bathroom:
a) a few minutes alone
b) the catharsis of expelling urine from my body
c) washing my hands
d) seeing how my hair's holding up
But I digress. The point is that the bathroom had lotion by the sink. I don't really like lotion. For some reason, my palms refuse to absorb it, and then I can't hold on to anything. It's all slippery and greasy. But my knuckles have been horribly dry lately, like scaly and crackly, so I put a dab of the lotion on them and was still trying to rub it in using only my knuckles as I returned to the table. Whitney looked at me funny, so I explained to her what I just explained to you. Then we started rapping because "keep the lotion on the knuckles" has such a nice rhythm to it. This reminded me of that part in the song Pump up the Volume that says, "put the needle on the record/ put the needle on the record/ put the needle on the record/ when the drum beats go like this," so I started rapping that.
Whitney, unfamiliar with this ditty, did not appreciate the reference, and a few minutes later, we paid way too much and left. And when I turned on the car, the new 93.9, Kiss FM (formerly Sunny 93.9), was playing Pump up the Volume!! Are you effing kidding me?!
I called Whitney immediately, and she turned to the station just in time to hear the part I'd just been rapping. It was downright magical.
Anyway, Whitney and I were just enjoying a ridiculously overpriced lunch at a little hole-in-the-wall coffee joint called Gaks when I had to pee, which happens sometimes when my bladder's full. Now, I'm not sure which is my favorite part of going to the bathroom:
a) a few minutes alone
b) the catharsis of expelling urine from my body
c) washing my hands
d) seeing how my hair's holding up
But I digress. The point is that the bathroom had lotion by the sink. I don't really like lotion. For some reason, my palms refuse to absorb it, and then I can't hold on to anything. It's all slippery and greasy. But my knuckles have been horribly dry lately, like scaly and crackly, so I put a dab of the lotion on them and was still trying to rub it in using only my knuckles as I returned to the table. Whitney looked at me funny, so I explained to her what I just explained to you. Then we started rapping because "keep the lotion on the knuckles" has such a nice rhythm to it. This reminded me of that part in the song Pump up the Volume that says, "put the needle on the record/ put the needle on the record/ put the needle on the record/ when the drum beats go like this," so I started rapping that.
Whitney, unfamiliar with this ditty, did not appreciate the reference, and a few minutes later, we paid way too much and left. And when I turned on the car, the new 93.9, Kiss FM (formerly Sunny 93.9), was playing Pump up the Volume!! Are you effing kidding me?!
I called Whitney immediately, and she turned to the station just in time to hear the part I'd just been rapping. It was downright magical.
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